going deep into the head: forgiveness?

i was reading up on jewish law, in particular parts that pertain to forgiveness. according to the torah when someone apologises and seeks forgiveness it is the obligation of the wronged party to forgive. i guess that seems simple enough, but sometimes i wonder if i really do forgive; maybe i'm just faking it so well that i cannot tell. sometimes i know i have forgiven someone and it's just for the sake of the situation ... does that eventually grow into true forgiveness?

putting jewish law aside, i know that are some people that i need to truly forgive. the problem with this forgiveness is that it's really old stuff, and i wonder if it would just cause more troubles. i really feel though that i need to tell a few people that i have really forgiven them ... i don't know if it will do much to benefit them or me, but i just can't stop thinking i need to tell them. i know there's lots of self-help b.s. about forgiveness, most of which i'm a skeptic of, but i wonder if some sort of clarity could come from straight-up forgiveness.

i know there are quite a few people out there that need an apology from me, and i wonder if they would give me the blessing of true forgiveness. sorry this post is just going nowhere, but i'm just feeling out something.


i'm going to keep working on this situation ... i'll let you know if there are any breakthroughs.

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